What is home? Is it the house I grew up in? Is it the house I helped my parents build when I was nearly grown? Is it the house I’ve dreamed of building a life and a family in for better than 10 years? Where is home? Is it in the state where I was born? Where most of my family lives? The state we moved to when I was 10 years old? Maybe one I’ve never even been to? Is home the South that I’ve come to love? Or the West that I’ve always daydreamed about? Who is home? Is home the people I love? The family I’ve lived with for more than 20 years? Or is it the people I will love? The man I will someday find and marry? The kids we will raise together? What is home?
What is home? Home is safety. Comfort. Stability. Home is love and laughter, heartbreak and tears. It is fighting and making up, playing and working. Home is where you can truly be yourself without fear of judgment or ridicule. A place of warmth and love. Where your dreams are supported and encouraged. Where you know that you truly belong. Home is peace from the commotion of the world outside. Home is barely-controlled chaos.
What is home? Home is family. Blood kin or chosen family. Or both. Home is the people you love. The people who love you. It is those who drive you crazy but who you couldn’t imagine living without. Home is the ones that you fight with like cats and dogs, but that you would defend to the death against an outsider. The people who understand you better than anyone. The ones who you swear will never really get you.
Home is all this and so much more. Sometimes I get a restlessness inside that haunts me for days at a time. Nothing I do can shake the feeling that I’m not really home yet. I don’t fully understand it; I just know that something is missing. What it is, I haven’t a clue. I don’t regret my decision to stay with my family instead of moving out at 18 like everyone else – at least not yet. And the thought of living on my own is not appealing at all. But then some days I really like the idea of a little peace and quiet for a change. On the other hand, I love this barely-controlled chaos thing we’ve got going on here. So, for now, I think I’m just gonna let this restlessness simmer on the back burner. I’m not one for snap decisions – when the time comes for me to find my home, I’ll know.